So the other day I go into a tire store near my house. I only needed one tire to replace a flat one on my pollution producing, bad for the environment, Dodge Ram 2500.
As I approach the counter I realize it is only me and the tire dude in the shop. As I walk up I say, “yo’ tire dude… I need that Goodyear 7000. It seems you have it on sale for $99.00.”
He turns and says, “sorry man, you are going to get the Goodyear 10 and it will cost you $650.00. Had you already had the Goodyear 7000 then you could have got it for $99.00 but you don’t - so you will get and pay for what we give you.”
I turn to him and say “sorry man, that cost is out of my league and that tire is not designed for my truck. Looks like I will be driving it on the spare for a few more days. Actually, I think I will just park it in the driveway, that will be my Winter Solstice gift to Al Gore.”
As I turn to walk out of the door I now notice two employees standing between me and the door. One of them looks at me and says “sir, you are confused! You are buying the tire today whether you want it or not. Give me you credit card.” I then notice the other brandishing a tire tool in his hand.
Now surely you can imagine my feeling of fear and chagrin at that moment. In fact, I bet if this had happened to you it would have scared you to death. But I bet as this was happening to me you were home in your cozy warm house, snuggled up by the fire, watching some football OR maybe you were out Winter Solstice shopping OR maybe you were at a soccer game OR maybe you were sleeping OR maybe you were with family celebrating the non-religious holiday season and labeling conservatives as lunatics, OR maybe you had your head shoved in the sand waiting for someone else to save me from my trouble that day and saying nothing like that could ever happen in America!
As I stood at the back door facing two men determined not to let me leave, I looked outside to see a police officer walking into the shop. What a sense of relief that was! As soon as he walked in I proceed to tell him what was happening. To my surprise, he looks at me and says… “Sir, that all sounds fine, but if you don’t buy the tire today I am going to have to arrest and fine you. So why don’t you just shut your mouth and give them your credit card?” He continues, “I know this tire is not the tire you want or need for your truck, but you must buy it or you will go to jail.”
I take a deep breath and asked “WHAT?”
He responds, “the federal government has decided that all vehicles must now use the Goodyear 10. You have no choice. Now the fine Senators and Representatives and the Emperor all use the Goodyear 7000 but It is now a crime for YOU NOT to have a Goodyear 10. It is now punishable with one year in jail and a $25,000.00 fine. I realize the tires of the past have served you well. I realize that you worked hard to pay for them, but not more! That time of luxurious living is over. Everyone now gets the Goodyear 10, it is what is best for us all.”
“Oh great…” I say “well I just will not drive any longer.”
“Sir” he replies, “while that will be a good thing for the environment, the government has also decided that every person in America must own a motorized vehicle or face jail time and a $25,000.00 fine.”
“But I don’t want a government mandated vehicle. And I don’t want to pay for a government mandated vehicle that I don’t want or need. And I don’t want to buy the Goodyear 10 for the truck I don’t want or need. This is an extra vehicle, it is a privilege to have it. I worked hard to pay for it and I will just park it.”
“No sir, you will not. You have have forgotten that we lost that battle with healthcare on the day CONGRESS - for the first time in history - voted to FORCE AMERCIANS TO PAY FOR AND OWN AN ITEM THEY DID NOT WANT. Sir, this is no different.”
“Sir buy the tire and lets have a Merry Winter Solstice.”
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