TSA at its finest!
TSA… Transportation Secrets of America – no?
TSA… Terrible Security Administration – no?
TSA… Totally Screwed Americans – no?
TSA… Terrible Service Authority – no?
I am not sure what it actually stands for… and based on what I watch them do… I am not sure what they actually do!
As I write this I am sitting in Hobby Airport in Houston, Texas. I have just passed the screening area where three blue shirts are working and 15 blue shirts are doing nothing. YES - I counted… 15 blue shirts doing absolutely nothing.
Now as I traveled through the screening line, the person in front of me was thoroughly interrogated because she was dumb enough to keep mouthwash in her bag. Poor fool. By the reaction of the blue shirts one might think she had brought an atomic bomb into the airport.
So what prompted me to write this…
After I cleared the screening… leaving Scope girl behind… I entered into a gift shop near my gate. I did my usual perusal of books, magazine glances to check up on Brittani (by the way she has lost weight), and completed a purchase of gum and diet coke.
As cashier girl is swiping my card I look down and to my total shock and awe I see a bottle of Scope. Yes… scope. The same Scope for which Scope girl back the screening line was getting the wand. Yes… scope. Then, I noticed a full apothecary of personal hygiene items that I found very unique considering the TSA rules.
So… what was there at that counter… less that 50 feet from my gate?
Well, there was an 8 ounce bottle of alcohol based hand gel. (For those in San Francisco – this stuff is flammable.) But wait… don’t be alarmed… it was stored a safe distance from the cigarette lighters.
Yes… hand gel and lighters – 50 feet from the gate. Now the most amazing thing, and perhaps the most ironic, was Right Guard in aerosol form.
Now here is my question - have you ever seen the fire ball an aerosol spray is capable of producing? MY GOD – are you kidding me? This stuff is capable of making a blow torch that could kill an alligator.
So get this… lets say I buy the hand gel, a lighter and the spray deodorant. I then spread the gel on seats in the plane, fire the lighter up, and shoot a fireball on the gel. BAMN… Napalm in the sky.
All the while Scope girl is getting wanded and treated like crap.
After this, if any of you ask me why I don’t want government morons in charge of my health care… close your eyes, take a deep breath and get ready for me to hit you with my bat. (For my liberal friends – this is a joke. REPEAT, this is all a joke. I would never hit you with a bat. Fire a Right Guard blow torch at you maybe… but never the bat.)
On a side note, I showed my find to scope girl and she was a little ticked.
She bought a lighter and then wandered aimlessly away.
In closing… try this on for size:
“Trust me, I am with the government.”
Just saying…
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